“Unwritten Rules”

Wisdom for back-to-school success from MDTMT Jr. Leader + Asheville City Schools Student Academic Support Specialist, DeAngelo Collins

Photo: Still Smiling Photography

“All behavior is a form of communication,” says DeAngelo Collins when discussing one of his favorite subjects in the world - human behavior. And it’s his gifts for working with and (maybe equally as important) simply being with young people as they learn to understand and master their own behaviors, that makes DeAngelo uniquely impactful in his professional roles. 

As a Student Academic Support Specialist with Asheville City Schools, DeAngelo likens himself to a bridge - a bridge with whom teachers, families and students can all be seen, heard and understood. “Good communication is the key,” he says. DeAngelo continues, “A lot of times in my conversations, when teachers, parents, guardians, and a student are at the table, I reflect on what the student has told me about what they’re experiencing, in school and out, and I try to be who I would have needed when I was that student.” 

It wasn’t that long ago, afterall. DeAngelo graduated from Asheville High in 2018 and in the 5 years since, he’s transitioned from being a student enrolled in My Daddy Taught Me That (a youth development program for boys 12-18) to spearheading and leading My Daddy Taught Me That Jr., mentoring boys ages 5-11. DeAngelo says he was far from what anyone would’ve called the “ideal student” when he was in elementary school at Hall Fletcher or at Asheville Middle School. He shares, “I’ll be honest, I gave some of my teachers and the other students hell. I was off the chain. I was bored and I made it rough for a lot of people. That’s why I can’t get frustrated with the kids I work with now. I still see the effects of what my village did for me when I needed it. I personally understand what the village and Asheville City Schools can do. It’s why I love my jobs and my place in life right now.” Adding to the full circle of it all, DeAngelo began as a Support Specialist two years ago at Hall Fletcher, and this year he’ll be working with students at (wait for it…) Asheville Middle School.

As the clock winds down on summer and a new school year approaches, DeAngelo shares 8 ways we (the village!) can help our young people succeed in school and life:

    1. Be Honest

  “Students are usually so much more advanced than parents and adults think they are. They’re aware of so many things and know about the ways of the world. Kids just have so much more access to things, way more than their parents did, and already even more than I did. It all has changed so dramatically, so fast. Kids can spot BS better than anyone. They will know if you’re being honest.” 

2. Be Humble

     “Adults can get so locked into their opinions that whenever a kid brings something to the table, it really doesn’t get heard or respected. Try asking kids questions and keep a humble ear when listening. It can help make it a conversation instead of an argument.”

3. Be Upfront + Vulnerable

     “Talk to the kids in your life about what’s going on in the world and in your world. Good things happen, bad things happen - that’s life. You're not going to be able to control or fully prepare them for everything they will have to deal with at school, but they’ll know they can have open, honest conversations with you if you lay the foundation. 

4. Reach Out

     “I respect how hard parents try to do everything themselves, but I think loosening that mindset could benefit them and kids. The schools, the family, the individual student - no one part has all the answers. Sharing a need and accepting support from organizations and schools - it’s not coming out of judgment, it’s just your village wanting to collaborate! My Mom reached out when I needed support and I think it helped save my life.”

5. Be Creative

 “My office has boxing gloves, a punching bag and workout equipment… you never know what might come in handy with kids. If we need to burn off some energy before a student can focus on their math, I’m ready! There are times things have to be done a certain way and in a certain order, but when they don’t, I motivate the students in unique ways and it shows I care because I still hold them to a high academic standard while having fun.” 

6. Take Care of Yourself

     “Take off that parenting (or disciplinarian) hat sometimes, give yourself a break! Kids learn to respect their own needs and limits best from watching their family. I think of myself as like a battery. I try to look at my day ahead and judge how much energy I can put into each thing I want or need to do. I know I want to give whatever I do my best, and that means I can’t give 110% everywhere.” 

7. Share the “unwritten rules”

     “In my jobs, even though I’m only 23 years old, I see how social media and the screens have rapidly demoralized authenticity, morals, principles, accountability and things of that nature. I may not be teaching students one certain subject, but those basics - hard work and self-motivation - I call them the unwritten rules of society, there is a void there we can all help fill.”

8. Love and Enjoy! 

      “All these kids are flowers. They just need to be watered and nurtured and they’re going to bloom! Kids are all beyond amazing.”